Girlfriend's problem is killing me.
It is the first time my family have all gone on holiday together. Soon as I have a few dollars… I find my way back to the machines. Our program is full of cliches. I believe we should regulate the casinos and other gambling establishments and lending institutions to prevent them from sucking the life from us. His disturbed thoughts changed as fast as the kaleidoscopic scenery outside the train window.
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I want to share it with everybody. He sat there, lost in his reverie. His disturbed thoughts changed as fast as the kaleidoscopic scenery outside the train window. He clasped and sought comfort from the gold plated rosary with an angel pendant he always carried in his wallet. Both objects were gifts, the rosary from his friend and the angel pendant from his partner. He uttered some words while holding the religious trinkets, pleading them help as if they could hear him.
He badly needed some relief from the unexplainable feeling of remorse and self-loathe which began to consume his whole being as soon as he got out of the casino with an empty pocket. It was the same feeling he had in the past when he found himself in the same situation. He proceeded to search for himself, his very essence, the very core of his being. A few months before, he thought he made progress as he could finally speak about his affliction openly with a professional and with some family members.
His partner who found out what he was up to, in the months of acting bizarrely before he was caught red handedly, immediately asked this form of intervention from the municipal social services. It was one of his terms and conditions, if they were to continue their relationship. He submitted to this professional help without any hesitation. He was afraid and felt embarrassed. He was at his lowest. Factor the time he spent playing and you have a serious example of time and resources wasted.
Well, perhaps, that was a bit of an exaggeration but if you include the fact that he was a student and he was largely dependent on his partner and his parents for his day to day living, this preoccupation was more than serious. Somewhat traumatized by what he could actually do, his partner became distrustful of him and temporarily took control of his finances.
He willingly accepted this intervention. Somehow he was relieved that he was banned from the casinos and that he had no more access of excess money. He felt a sense of safety and empowerment.
Most importantly, he felt a great sense of relief. All those episodes of lying to his partner, in-laws and friends were over. Now, he could look at them in the eyes again. I wish my story ended that way with no more continuation. The sad truth is I am on a relapse since March this year. I am afraid to disappoint them again. Steve December 5, at I leave my family everyday to go to casinos I treat them all like shit I am completely embarrassed with myself.
I stopped gambling for 90 days after being in GA about 5 months ago and then since then my life has been a complete disaster. I am to ashamed to even walk back into a GA room or talk to anyone from there.
Nomorecards February 10, at 3: I do not trust myself. I finally came to this realization yesterday. I travel to tribal casinos where the odds are terrible. I am having trouble facing myself.
Somehow I rationalized it was mine. I told myself that only part of it was theirs. I was holding it for someone else.
My boyfriend is tumbling. I think he may need to leave me in order to survive. My spirit is very low. I want to change this around. Its going to take a lot of work. Lisa February 24, at 5: Last night I won on horse races then lost it in video lottery … after cashing in winnings. I stayed out half the night and called off sick from work. I felt depressed ashamed and worthless and still contemplating suicide. I am 40 and have been struggling with this addiction for half my life. I have tried holiness, GA, addiction services… nothing has worked I am at a loss on how to stop… recently I stopped for two or three weeks.
Soon as I have a few dollars… I find my way back to the machines. I am unsure what else to try to defeat this addiction. Gambling is a disease for sure. I lost my father due to his addiction to gambling last year. The answer to what i could have done to prevent this from happening just bother me day and night.
I do know the grief of losing someone dear to our heart and believe me, there is nothing worst than this. Just think how bad and desperate your dear ones, your family, your friends, your collegues will feel about your lost. I will say it again and again- there is always a way out and suicide is not the solution. Try calling any anonymous gambling associations or visit the website below:.
You may feel ashamed of what you have done, but remember that you are not the only one that make mistakes, everyone else do. Accept it that you are ill and HELP from someone is the only remedy and believe me, this will do good to yourself. There is nothing to be ashamed of when seeking help and remember that life is a gift from the great almighty that does not need to be wasted at any cost. There are ups and downs in life and our job is to face them fiercely without losing hope.
Just know that brighter days are waiting for you if you ask for help for your gambling addiction. Daniel April 26, at I am going to kill myself tonight! They are evil bastards, the bailiffs! Goodbye everyone and hope you can all sort yourself out! Please go outside and see the beauty. It hurts so much to lose a loved one to suicide. Unmeasurable pain that never goes away!!!!!!!! Please breathe and live. Kinyua Njeri April 28, at 7: Gambling sites have penetrated into the economies and this way, they are ripping off every piece of sanity and sobriety from kids.
Almost every month, the http: Guys, this is serious! I just say that I am tired. But I am really depressed about the gambling. I have a house and a car and a job.
Not even another month. Gambling is like heroin addiction. The only way to get out of it is to die. I m divorced because of it, I am alone because of it, I waste a lot of my life because o fit. I could paint my house or plant a garden or wash my clothes, something constructive instead of hours and hours at a slot machine.
I look around at other women there and none of us are happy. There is no reason to go on. I have nothing to look forward to. Cguy May 29, at 9: Hi Gina, I know your pain. But you have a 16 and 18 year old. They are enough reason to want to stick around. I know the pain your feeling… Oh believe me I know!
Life is so beautiful and precious. There are so many people that love you and will be so wounded when you leave. Life can be challenging this we know. Know this that the stars, the moon, the sun, will always be there for you. Go outside and see the beauty. Live, breath, dance, yell, scream, let it out, and find support and help now.
Jill June 18, at 3: Please do not end your life. Your kids may be 16 and 18, and eve though they are technically old enough to take care of themselves, that does not mean they do not need you. Try to put yourself in the opposite position. If one of your kids told you they wanted to end their life because of a gambling addiction how would that hurt you? You would do everything in your power to stop it and help them. Please reach out and let them know you need help and that you love them or call one of the many hotlines listed on this forum.
I am stressed and depressed over a gambling problem too and I found this site after googling the correlation between suicide and gambling. I thought about suicide briefly but the thought scares me and I always try to think of my family and how it would devastate them. Gambling is awful but there is always help. I actually stopped for a couple of years and have recently relapsed.
I also struggle with opiate addiction and am currently prescribed methadone maintenance therapy. Just like there is help for a drug addiction there is always help for gambling as well, so please reach out and seek support in others who are struggling as well. I hope you feel better and again please do not harm yourself.
I am here if you need to chat. David July 17, at I am unmarried and lonely. Thank God I am into many sports like paddleball, handball, badminton and chess. I also go out time to time. Due to this I was going to casino. I have lost my past two jobs due to gambling. The 2nd job I lost because I used to call sick a lot as I was upset losing lots of money in the night, and felt like shit in the morning.
Casino is only 10 mins away from me. So it was hard for me to stop myself. I am sharing a house with my parents and brothers.
They are very nice with me. They never bother me even if I miss a monthly rent payment. But I used to treat them really bad, now I am gradually coming to my senses. I am currently working on building my business. I have some success on it, but I am trying to be more successful. I am gradually working to establish my business, and hope one day I will not have any emotion for gambling.. Comefindmedead October 8, at 5: No one understands us.
No one can relate to us. Sometimes death is the only way to change a behavior. Bea Aikens October 28, at 1: I posted your comments just as you wrote them, as your expression of frustration and pain is palpable. I am so sorry that you are feeling this way, and, I can tell you from first-hand experience that I do understand and I can relate, as can many others who struggle with gambling addiction.
Life can be different and so much better. Recovery is not one-size-fits-all. The steps work for me and for many folks I know with gambling addiction. You can reach out to a therapist or a certified problem gambling counselor.
You are fighting a life-threatening mental health disorder. This does not make you a bad person or a flawed person …it makes you a person with a chronic illness in need of treatment. With help, You can regain control of your life and live a better life in recovery. Matt December 20, at 3: As I have read all these comments I feel exactly the same. I feel sick to my back teeth of feeling this way. Sucidal thoughts and tears are all thats been on my mind the last 5 days I hate living like this.
You are not alone! I pray that you have returned to meetings — if not, I pray that you DO! I understand too well that despair and pain — both from my own gambling addiction AND the loss of my sister Lanie due to her gambling-related overdose. Help is as close as your phone. The hour Helpline is Life can, and DOES, get better!
Fresh Start January 13, at 6: Over the past year it has progressively gotten worse. As each day passes by I lie to myself; constantly telling myself that this time will be different. It hurts because I have to go home and look at my wife and kids empty handed financially and emotionally. The thought of leaving the emptiness, depression and sadness behind seems appealing and sometimes it seems like the only way. There is someone out there that feels my exact pain.
In all fairness to my wife and kids I know I have to fight for my life and for them as well. I came here to see if my suicidal thoughts were normal. Vinny January 16, at 9: Get to them GA rooms and get around. People that will Support you get in recovery and just take one day at a time Forget about trying to win it all back Just let it go and start enjoying life and family and friends Will forgive you …it may take a little time but for now just focus On your recovery Blessings!!
What a sad a real commentary on the devastation gambling addiction can cause! You are right on…life gets so much better with the support of others who are recovering from a gambling addiction.
Lai Teck Shin January 26, at 9: Next 2 days will be 1st day of Chinese New Year in my location Malaysia. I owe many debts and a few of them will come to my house to collect tomorrow. My year end bonus and salary just out 2 days ago and i lost it all totally all in fish arcade gaming machine.
I now laid on my bed thinking of tomorrow. I feel like i wanted to end my life now. I had tried seeking for gambling therapy help but they charge me for it and some need me to be in their hostel for maybe 6 months. I have no more money and i cannot stay in there as i need to work to cover all my debts. I have no more way to go. I made a reason i went to look for friends as a reason. They asked me is your friend really help you or want to take advantages on you. Suddenly i realize my friend is the fish arcade gaming machine i look for everyday and it really take advantages on me.
Now is too late to stop. I stop today but how am i going to face all the creditors tomorrow? Jay February 16, at 1: Today is my 30th birthday. I got paid today as well. I lost my full paycheck at the casino. My problem is severe. I need to help myself but never do. Bea Aikens February 16, at 4: Life can and does get better!
Those things that seem insurmountable now really do get better. Please, please reach out for help! Look for your local Gamblers Anonymous hotline, or call the National Helpline at And Jay, if your feeling suicidal, please call Someone is there to HELP. We really do care and life can get better.
God Bless You Jay, Bea. John February 23, at 1: My son committed suicide because of his gambling addiction and I am campaigning for more regulation of the gambling industry. As a compulsive gambler at rock bottom here in Southampton,England I am writing my story for myself and all out there who may seek some hope, advice and a wait out of this killer disease.
It all started on fruit machines for many years and increasing gambling on horse racing. Within ten years two relationships ruined and promising myself to stop gambling every Monday,only to be back in front of a machine or at the bookmakers counter by Wednesday. Often borrowing,scamming money to gamble. This still was not enough. In I played roulette for the first time on a fixed odds terminal at a bookies……and won of course. My gambling has free called since with constant weekly losses, relationships lost, massive debts and 5 months in prison in Upon release I found Gamblers anonymous — a most amazing place and group of people,friends and saviors.
All the tools to abstain from gambling are in that fellowship and regular weekly attendance if possible can really help anyone,no matter how severely addicted stay away from that next bet. I have unfortunately, due to a combination of less attendance,alcohol, available income and arrogance, slipped up and gambled……. Quite terrible, upsetting, anger,frustration and the horrible feeling of my wife finding out. Our partners suffer as much,if not more than us and there is support for partners,friends and family members of gamblers at gam anon here in the uk.
I am now back to square one mentally and financially with only time, hope and determination plus massive support from my wife and GA family. I know I can stay off gambling again, but must not only not gamble but attend GA whenever I need a meeting as well as my regular meetings.
So to all gamblers and family, partners, friends of gamblers… reach out. Do not fear telling somebody,and get yourself to Gamblers anonymous as this wretched disease is a killer. Laurie Lanko May 29, at 6: My life has been one of….
Oh hell no matter what I think about my life it could always be worse. I need to quit feeling sorry for myself get over it and move on. I just want someone to hold me and tell me it will be ok.
Ive been married for 37 years and yet i feel alone. Will the loneliness ever end? I think I should just end this madness now. Rose Weaver June 4, at It feels like I have let everyone down and all my hard earned savings are gone with bills still needing to be paid. I hope I survive this. Lg June 10, at I have lost everything. I have so many problems of which gambling is only one.
I have so many worries and I gamble to try to make things better but I only make them worse. I see no hope and believe me I have prayed without end. There is no hope and God will not help me anymore. This cannot be fixed so where do I go from here. My kids still need me but I am so lost I cannot give them support. I cannot stop and I cannot go on. Help me I give up. Have a husband who never stops reminding me of the first time I gambled and lost.
He will not even think twice about abandoning me now. Where do I go for help. There are no answers and no one to help. What do I do. I hate leaving them but that is the last I can do for them. Vanha July 23, at 6: Hopefully the bet I put in yesterday was my last bet involving money! Gambling ruined me emotionally and financially, more than me it had huge negative effect on my relationship with my wife. I quit gambling twice before, during the years I did not gamble , my life was beautiful.
Gambling was in my family, my father gambled most of the time in his prime years. I always liked the rush. My addiction to casino games started in , at that time my game of choice was blackjack. For the first two years, myself and my wife used go to the casino on Friday nights. This kept on going for a while, huge ups and downs. I wish there were never any ups.
The confidence that it is possible to win made to chase my losses. I switched to Baccarrat game, Banker bet was my favorite. Huge ups and downs. The worst part was every time I won big for few weeks, it always followed with heavy loosing weeks. I continued to gamble despite knowing you can not beat the house in the long run. I knew I would loose even if there was no such thing as house advantage. I still gambled away all the money for which I had worked very hard. For the last few weeks I have been getting suicidal thoughts.
I lost about k in last 18 months. Credit cards, home equity, personal loans from bank, borrowed money from couple of friends stating business needs. I am suppressing the suisidal thoughts by remembering my kids, wife and my mother. It took long time 20years for me to realize I was not gambling for money, I was gambling to get that high feeling.
I hope this time I will be successful in quitting gambling. I know it is a hard addiction, but I want to choose life over addiction. I want my high school going daughter to finish college, I want my 11 year old son not to end up like me. I want my wife to smile again. It has been few years since she smiled. This is my last opportunity, there is no way I could recoup my losses by more gambling.
But I can be a good dad,son,husband just by not gambling, it is free and very satisfying. Garry August 5, at 1: Bea Aikens August 15, at 4: Dear Garry, Please, please call the Suicide Prevention Hotline or the Gamblers Helpline 1 and get the help you need!
I see that you care about your family! I know…because I lost my sister Lanie to the disease of compulsive gambling. Please get help Garry.
God Bless You Bea. Kevin G September 3, at 9: I live to be in action. I had bailout after bailout after bailout in my life. Enabler after enabler after enabler. And suicide is very heavy in my mind. I went to a rehab in Came out and gambled. Went to a rehab again in Started going to GA and had 13 months.
I ran with it for 13 months, beautiful girlfriend, out with friends, vacations — life was great! It was a normal life! I have a good career. I get paid every week. I recently went back to GA on march 7th I relapsed at the horse track on July 23rd. I lost the love of my life, lost all trust and respect back again, been begging my entire contact list for money, late on all my bills, etc etc etc.
Without action and that high my life is meaningless. From borrowing, to scams, to fraudulent things. All I have left is my paycheck every week and next thing will be to rob a fucking bank. I dwell on the past and worry about the future. I work so hard. Never miss a day. Because work feeds my addiction. Bea Aikens September 6, at 4: Oh my Kevin…what a cunning, powerful and baffling disease this is!
I pray that your bottom is IN recovery my friend. Are you open to trying again? Life is SO much better when the madness stops! Fight the good fight and get back into treatment. If you are ready for help NOW, please pick up the phone and call the Helpline at Tommy W September 8, at 7: I could not have written a better essay Kevin.
You summed up our shared madness very well. Our program is full of cliches. However, prison, insanity and death. But you and I are of the same cloth. You are in the midst of the insanity. Surely, without GA and all it provides, death is not far. The yellow combo book also contains a sentence which speaks to me and my disease with a bullhorn. Powerful truth right there. You, I, we…all of us have a choice.
Gamble and be miserable until we commit the ultimate tragedy upon anyone who might possibly love us? Or, get back into recovery and live, and turn this thing into something beneficial to humanity, to those who love you, to yourself.
But you do know it works. You do have the knowledge that with program comes recovery and sanity and healing and peace. You said as much. And then you will be where I am, reaching back to that fella crying out from the muck and mire of this insidious disease. I am proud of you Kevin for the letter I just read. That honesty came from your gut, and is essential for your next step. Take that next step Kevin. One foot at a time. I have confidence in you because I have confidence in GA, and you do too.
God bless you, young man. Vicente Sanchez September 9, at 8: Ive gambled more money that I can handle and I am ruining everything. My credit is maxed out and I am having to take high interest loans to try and make basic ends meet.
Mary Fisher April 30, at 7: Aiden13 September 13, at 7: Gambling has deteriorated my life. I am dying a very slow death and I really want to end up because I rather die now then live miserably. I would stop for a bit and then I would relapse again. There is no hope for me because I know in my heart I will gamble everything away again until the day I die. I have lost everything because of it. I wanna quit so bad but somehow I always relapse. If this is what my life is going be then Lord I pray that You take my life please.
The only way I can stop is if I just end it all. Roxie October 1, at Dearest Aiden, I just read every story posted to this site, ending with yours.
My mother ended her life on Sept 27, about 6pm. She was not found until the following morning. When I received the call I dropped everything and flew to Kansas City. I never knew she was addicted to gambling until today when I gained access to her computer and paperwork. She was 79, semi retired and had little income. Yet she was able to borrow money from many sources that she would never be able to pay back and she gambled it all away.
I now now understand the situation she was in. I must tell you that I still love her more than ever and I would do anything to have her here with me. Please put all that energy into fighting for your life. I believe we have to put laws in place to protect compulsive gamblers from destroying themselves. I believe we should regulate the casinos and other gambling establishments and lending institutions to prevent them from sucking the life from us.
Can u help me develop legislation that would protect us? The medical examiner released my mothers remains today so she will be transferred to the funeral home for cremation on Monday. I miss her so much. Please go to your family or loved ones and tell them you need help.
In the meantime we need to fight these bastards, ok?! Bea Aikens October 3, at Dear Roxie, My heart aches for you! I have been where you are, and the pain is so great! In the end I found myself cursing the addiction…which I too have. There is much work to be done there. To feel your feelings and honor your mother. I am so terribly sorry for your loss! It breaks my heart every time I hear of a senseless loss like this.
It happens far too often, and the world needs to understand. They will come in waves and you will likely vacillate between anger, deep sorrow, regret and back again. You did nothing wrong. Allow yourself quiet time, and crying time. If you pray, time with God. Perhaps a support group or Gam-Anon. May God Bless you…. You may have just saved a life. Noel Gallagher September 20, at Tatum September 22, at 8: I sit here today wondering why? Why do I continue to hurt everyone that tries to help me?
I remember the day it started, 12 years this has controlled my life. I had a great job, and stopped at the casino and won. That was the beginning of the end. I have attempted suicide multiple times, and hurt everyone that ever cared.
I have been to inpatient treatment twice, been hospitalized multiple times and still continue to self destruct. He has bailed me out and picked up the pieces more times than I can count. He does it because he loves me. But he is tired. He works so hard to make sure we have a good home and life. He tries to make my life easier. My husband comes home tomorrow and when he finds out what I have done, I can only guess what will happen.
We are not actually married anymore. But he talks about getting married again. For the third time. But I am pretty sure when he gets home, I will be out on my ass. Unfortunately I have no where to go. My family is tired. I have spent the last 12 years trying to fix this.
So now all I can think about is what do I do now? I have nothing left. The only thing that stops me is that I have tried and failed multiple times. In the past, when everything falls apart, I would run. So I will sit here and wait to see the disappointment on his face. The yelling and screaming. But it is inevitable.
I hope some day I can be at peace. I hope some day they can forgive me for the hell I have put them thru. And I hope that some day they will know that I never wanted to hurt them or drag them down with me. It has to stop. All I can do now is pray to GOD to give me strength. Dear Tatum, Your story breaks my heart. Our pets give such unconditional love and comfort: They can be Tatum!
I have interviewed many compulsive gamblers; and I am one myself. I believe God has a greater plan for all of us. Clearly, he has a plan for you. Just as you would go to the doctor if a medical condition reoccured. Be sure that you are seen by a Certified Problem Gambling Counselor.
Please reach out again and let us know how you are. Praying for you Tatum! October 13, at 2: My 25 year old husband has been a gamble addict for about 5 years now…We have tried everything. Doctors, therapists, 10 weeks spent in hospital, getting angry, showing understanding, etc. I just want to go back to my previous life.
I know that I would think of him and would worry about him every day. His family has recently told me they are going to cut him from their lives.. Jeff October 18, at 1: The value of money completely disappeared.
Numerous times I tried to stop and just keep Bitcoin as it was constantly increasing value. I would see tremendous gains, but lose them on risky bets. I quit several times, months and even days at a time, but relapsed into large bets that I had never been gambling at 10 years ago. The worst part is the Bitcoin equivalent of what I lost is easily worth a million dollars or more to say.
Luckily, I paid off my modest home before this spiral began and I have relatively basic expenses, but my soul has basically been crushed and I spent many long hours reading on suicide and wishing there was a way. I could have not worked or did some traveling, or helped someone out that really needed it.
I tend to view suicide as brave, instead of the taboo selfish way that most people against suicide label it as. I have guns but the thought of my brain stem exploding is not really how I want to go out. My advice to anyone out there is to never think about starting to gambling in any form. If you ever get a thought that you can make money or win gambling, you have a problem. The house always takes a cut, even on winning bets. Human psychology and the chemical reactions associated with gambling also lead to more losing.
No one should feel as empty as I do because of gambling and no one should constantly be consumed by the pursuit of money. To anyone like me, that maybe found this page to see if there are others who have lost six figures and are below average income earners , just know that there are. I was doing a million dollars of volume betting in a month. There will be many hard days, shitty, lonely, boring, depressing days but gambling will just bring darker thoughts and even darker days.
Chris November 15, at 1: Your story is very powerful but you have good insight into your problem. The opportunity cost of money lost to gambling is something that plays over in my mind when I hit the pillow at night.
The depression I get once I lose money is crippling. I too feel already dead have also become pro suicide. I used to consider it a cheaters way out of life but I have read much on the topic and understand it better.
It is an individual choice and for me, because I am such a burden on people around me and I have tried and failed to treat my problem, there is going to be a continuing problem so suicide is a reasonable response to ease future pain and suffering. Gambling is a horrible disease and in Australia, where I live, it is endemic. NSW has the largest number of poker machines per capita in the world.
It is literally in your face every where you go. The Government is addicted to the tax revenues generated from gambling so nothing with change. The majority of these revenues comes from problem gamblers. Casinos and clubs will use every resource available to ensure you lose your last dollar. Gambling is seen as something sexy and the industry purports a myth that people can win. Did you ever see James Bond lose at a casino? The truth is quite the opposite.
Mary December 25, at 6: Thankyou Jeff, Your story has helped me to have better understanding the dark thoughts went through someone who has gambling problem.
When I suggested her go to GA meetings, she refused to go. Jeff January 14, at 7: Hi Mary, self-exclusion is the best thing to do , but it is certainly a difficult thing to do because of the power of the addiction. I know a turning point for me was when I suffered huge losses, living on my own, I knew that there was no easy way to make the money back.
I started to worry about the very basics like paying for food or keeping the heat on. All the plans I had for charitable giving mainly to animal shelters have gone by the boards. I did give some money to them, but not as much as I should and going forward I have nothing. Just a couple months living expenses and have spent the past decade basically gambling, so little hope of finding something paying a living wage. This is a hell of a thing to beat.
Chris November 15, at I am a compulsive gambler. I will do almost anything to get money to gamble. I lie to family and friends about what I need the money for. I hate myself for gambling. I was a successful lawyer but lost my license due to my gambling. The stress and anxiety I am under literally feels like it is killing me. I am suicidal and am spending a lot of time researching suicide methods. I am so ashamed of my conduct. My family is ashamed of me.
No one returns my calls or seems to want anything to do with me. My reputation is shot. I have seen therapists for 10 years and taken medication which just makes me feel sick. It seems to be the only thing I care about. I will have to file for bankruptcy soon. I am such a leech and the future just feels hopeless.
The only thing that seems to ease the pain is alcohol and that is temporary and just makes life worse. I think you are doing something that is needed. I have lost a lot of money betting on horse races. I think compulsive gambling leads to lies to cover up how much you have lost. It was only earlier today that I decided I would quit all forms of gambling. Horse racing was my downfall. A friend of mine lied to me about needing money for food and medicine.
Jack December 16, at 4: I live in Sydney Australia and we are a nation of gamblers. It is socially acceptable. There are more poker machines in NSW per capita than anywhere else in the world. At least one person commits suicide a day over problem gambling but the Government is addicted to the tax revenues gambling brings in.
The poker machine and racing lobby is very powerful. Your debt will continue to be stressful and you will be drawn back to gambling. Christie, gamblers anonymous will help to save your life. You desperately need a twelve step program. You need to turn the debt over to your higher power and get yourself adjusted first. After you do that, then we can go back and make amends and deal with the debt situation.
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